The Perils Of Politeness Live On 
By Bianca Bagatourian
 

Time: Today

Place: Here

Characters:
Hagop Baronian- Himself (An author from the 19th Century)
Father/Barber
Girl- (Arousiag)
Barry- An odar (A Foreigner)
Melkon Agha/Barry
Margos Agha/Father
Kamig Agha/Hagop
Gabriel Agha/Father
Hamparsoom Agha/Hagop
Apimelik Agha/Barry

Act 1
Scene 1
We see the shadow of a match striking and a candle being lit.

HAGOP
There is a tyrant that strides amongst us and is the mortal enemy of many things. It is a force that can torture, inflict pain, 
hours of misery, and bring horrifying nightmares. It is a force that is omni-present in all the living rooms of towns, in kitchens and dining rooms, 
it even has the gall to enter the bedrooms of strangers and climb in between the sheets. Those who rebel against it are denounced as coarse and uncivilized. 
Have you figured out who this almighty ruler is yet? It is not the butcher, the baker, the candlestick-maker or even the mayor that governs his town. No! 
Let me illuminate for you this silent force to whom houses of worship are built throughout this land. I offer to you the scourge of mankind: 
I am speaking of a power which we must learn to outwit. The power of Politeness.

Lights dim. Spotlight on GIRL as she addresses the audience.

GIRL
I had this dream that I was living in Oonga Boonga land. Nobody knew me there and I knew nobody.
I was not my father’s daughter there. I walked the streets with such pleasure, such freedom, with no binding ropes. 
I thought what I liked and I said what I liked and nobody told me otherwise...The sun was shining in Oonga Boonga 
and I knew I had arrived in a place that I had looked for my whole life long.

Lights up. Girl remains in darkness.

FATHER
Dotter!

GIRL
I want to go to Oonga Boonga.

FATHER
Vat? Vere? Dotter? Bring more vine for de guests. Clear de dishes. De nuts and fruits, choreg...Vere are day? Vere are you?

GIRL
Here, father. I am here.

Girl begins cleaning up after the meal.

HAGOP
It comes in all shapes and sizes and condemns us to slavery without breaking any laws. It has no limits. Akh! Tradition.

FATHER
You mean you don’t like tradition?

GIRL
Tradition? Is that what makes us feel so bound and gagged? Is that what keeps us from feeling happy within ourselves?

FATHER
Vat are you talking about, dotter?

HAGOP
Ay.Tradition is one thing. But destructive tendencies and pretensions are another, my good sir.

FATHER
Vat? Hagop, You too?

GIRL
It is like this invisible, undescribable cloud -

HAGOP
Give it time, my dear girl. I’m still waiting for things to change.

FATHER
I don’t understand vat you are all talking about! Vat should change?

GIRL
Father. Listen to the great Hagop Baronian. After all the stories he's told, he knows a thing or two about this.

HAGOP
I think people must change and things will take care of themselves.

FATHER
Are you say dere is no need for politeness? How vill dat be? Dotter, more vater. I am getting hot.

GIRL
Right away, father. How was the meal?

FATHER
Humph!

HAGOP
Barry. You’re an “odar,” foreigner, as we say. Tell me what you think of our Armenian politeness?

BARRY
I’m not sure tonight is the best time-

FATHER
Vy you ask him? Vat he know? He only know my dotter von veek. How he know vat good old Armenian custom iz?

BARRY
Actually sir, I’ve known your daughter for over a year now.

FATHER
DOTTER! Vater! Vater! You said von veek. Now BERRY say von year. I feel confused...and more hot. Vater! Now! Now!

GIRL
Calm down, father. Here’s your water. His name is Barry, not Berry, and I met him at work one year ago.

FATHER
Vy you don’t tell me about B…B…B...berry?

GIRL
I’m telling you now. It’s Barry. B--a--r--r--y.

FATHER
Strawberry! Heh, heh, heh. Vat work you do... berry ...berry...

BARRY
I’m a photographer.

FATHER
…blueberry?

BARRY
What?

FATHER
Vat?

BARRY
I take pictures.

FATHER
You no lawyer?

BARRY
No.

FATHER
Or doctor?

BARRY
No.

FATHER
You make money?

BARRY
Some.

FATHER
Some?

GIRL
He’s an artist, father.

FATHER
Arteest? Vat vill ART pay for? Bread? Cheese? Insurance? Vat can an arteest do?

GIRL
Save your soul.

FATHER
Berry vil not save my soul. Number one, starving child needs loaf of bread, not soul.

GIRL
Yes, father.

FATHER
That’s a good girl.

GIRL
Yes, father.

FATHER
Such a good girl, no? My dotter-

GIRL
But, there is something I want to say.

FATHER
Of course. Say it later, dotter.


to be cont'd...

Copyright © 2011, Bianca Bagatourian